The hazards of shift work

Today I cried when my computer froze up.

I got 20 minutes of sleep all day.

I cried again when I learned that I'd missed some neat, non-mandatory training on explosives because my boss sent out the email over the weekend (which are my days off) and I didn't find out about it until I checked my email today when I got on at 2200.

Despite looking at my day planner yesterday, I forgot the CPR refresher training I was supposed to go to today. I called my boss when I realized I'd forgotten... and cried.

I cried some more when I thought of all my coworkers who could have called me when I didn't show (it's a 5 minute commute from my house, I'd have made it), but didn't.

I live in a very strange house and I share a wall with an office. It seems like everyday they are rearranging all the furniture in the office and the periodic thumping wakes me up. Again and again. Today, instead of putting in my earplugs and trying to sleep anyway, I vindictively turned my music on quite loudly and entertained the thought of playing my bagpipes in my room (and bagpipes are an outside instrument). Very juvenile. I like to think I'm more mature than that, but obviously, I'm not.

Here are a list of symptoms of shift work induced stress from the federal occupational health people:

• Fatigue/tiredness. My eyes hurt from the effort of keeping them open. My life revolves around when I can get some sleep. I have no motivation to go out on patrol feeling this way because I think it would be dumb.


• Loss of energy. I'm not sure how this is different from fatigue.


• Constipation. Well, now, I don't really want to talk about if I have this problem or not...


• Stomach problems/ulcers. I have been having stomach problems, which has taken care of the constipation.


• Dehydration. Only when I wake up. I have to sleep with water next to my bed because I don't think I can make it down the stairs without passing out; I'm always so light-headed when I get out of bed.


• Susceptible to colds/flu. My last boyfriend, who is 18 years older than I am, made the observation that he would probably live as long as I will because I'm always getting sick. I think that was a mean thing to say; I get sick a couple times a year. It's hard not to working with coworkers who get sick all the time to.


• Possible increase in cardiovascular disease. Well, let's hope I don't have this symptom.


• Increased irritability and moodiness. I almost got in a fight with a guy in the T. His big belly pushed into my butt because he was trying to get through without paying by pushing in behind me. I spun around and asked him what the hell he was doing. Even though I knew. I asked him why the rest of us have to pay, but he doesn't. Increased irritability? Perhaps.


• Overly emotional. I cried four times today. No, five. Again at dinner, for no reason. That's not normal.


• Too sensitive and defensive. When defensive tactics and taser trainings are scheduled for 10 am to 6pm and my boss tells me I can't go (when would you sleep? he asks), but they'll have it again and I can go next time, I feel like I'm being left out. I work the 2200 to 0600 shift, and I'm solo from 0200 to 0600. There are only two of us who work this shift, me and Greg. Greg gets three out of the week, I get the other four and mine are all during the week when the training is scheduled. I'm the only one out of the entire staff who is inconvenienced by training. I'm taking it personally, which is not good.


• Forgetful. CPR training is just one of many, many things I've forgotten lately. I can't even remember the rest of them.

Now, I was doing OK earlier. I've been on this shift since the end of September and I thought I'd gotten into the new rhythm. What has changed? Maybe it's the daylight. Perhaps I have that seasonal disorder that people in Alaska were always talking about that's caused by a lack of sunshine. Or maybe it's the holiday season, which is downright depressing anyway, so far from family.

So what do the brains of the FOH say?

• Sleep well. Obviously, this is my goal. Not very helpful advice.


• Eat and drink sensibly. I drink so much water I constantly have to pee and with all these layers to tuck in and gear to fight with, it's an ordeal. Eating, however, is a problem. I've fallen back into my old habit of one meal a day. Except on Mondays when I stop at Subway for breakfast on the way to bagpipe class. Every other day I just eat on my dinner break. It's usually quite healthy. Some days I'll eat breakfast. Some days I'll forage before bed. Nothing more than snacks, really, except at dinner. My dinner is usually at 0200, and they say I shouldn't eat big meals after midnight (like a gremlin).


• Exercise. I use our three paid hours of PT time every week and I try to get out and do something active on Saturdays. The rest of the time I don't feel I can squeeze it in, I'm so busy trying to get some shut eye.


• Make time for friends, family, and self. The only time I want to make for myself is time to sleep!

I've worked night shifts before. I used to work the 1600 to 0200 shift when we had 4 ten hour shifts instead of 5 eights. Getting off at 0200 is just kind of like staying up late and it's much easier to adjust to. When I worked those 12 hour shifts from 6pm to 6am, I remember I was useless during the work week (we worked 7 days on, then had a week off). All I did was sleep and work. The nice thing about that was we'd work a week of nights, have a week off, and then work a week of days. It was hard to switch back and forth, but there was plenty of time to recover with a full week off. I remember after a week of busy night shifts I came home and slept for 14 hours without even getting up to pee.

The major difference, as I see it, is that I've never had a sleeping problem before. I don't know how I've acquired one, but it's really, really beating me down.

The FOH folks say that to get better sleep I shouldn't nap. What if naps are all I get?

They also say:

• Reduce noise. That's up to Thumper in the office next door.


• Darkness. I've got sheets over the windows. It's kind of dark.


• Control temperature. Well, now that's an interesting dilemma. My heater isn't working in my room and I've got the space heater cranked up. If I tell maintenance they'll want to come fix it, but then where will I sleep? I can't sleep in the same room with strange guys farfing around with my heater.


• Control humidity. Maybe I should get a humidifier and I wouldn't wake up so dizzy.


• Comfortable bed. It's comfy enough.


• Sleep aids. If they mean drugs, they can forget it. The last thing I want to do is develop a dependency on something with crazy side effects.


• Empty bladder. They must have forgotten they told me to drink a lot of water.

Something has got to change. I can't keep going like this. I can't hope that it's just the depression of winter or the holidays because even if it's Christmas blues I still have almost the whole month to go! I'm an emotional basket case and a useless employee. I don't like being a mean, grumpy, irritable person. I don't like to think that this is just who I am now. What if I don't ever change back?