Dreams

Most of the time I don't remember my dreams. But when I do, they're usually entertaining. There was the time I infiltrated Al-Qaida as a spy, watching an execution I narrowly avoided having to preform, and the time I was weightless in a plummeting elevator. Or when I was hanged in my living room or swam down a flooded stairwell.

Last night I dreamed I was on a sandy beach in the summertime. There was a man floating face down in the surf and I thought for sure he was a corpse. He was naked and his hairy white butt was floating above the waves. I didn't want to go in the water and get dead person goo on me to drag him out. Then I noticed another naked man in the waves nearby. The second guy was standing in the water. Then the first guy, who I thought was dead, stood up to.

For whatever reason I scooped up a handful of wet sand and shaped it into a ball. It behaved like wet snow. I then threw it at one of the naked guys and I yelled something about them needing to put clothes on. I threw another sand ball at the second guy. Then, not surprisingly, they started yelling at me. They said something about my weight; they said I was fat and that I must weigh 200 pounds. I responded that it was all muscle and I'd prove it by kicking their butts (I don't really weigh 200 pounds). You know how dream people move from place to place without actually taking the time to cover the distance? Well, there they were in my face suddenly. And then there's the way dream people can instantly change clothes or appearance? They were suddenly dressed to. One of them took a swing at me, which I dodged. I grabbed his arm and took him face down into the sand. I knelt on his back and grabbed his buddy around the throat, tucking his head into my elbow. There was some wrestling around and then... an annoying beeping sound. I woke up ready to rip my alarm clock apart with my teeth.

Apparently, I'm very defensive about my weight.